Scream Queen B

The bloody details of a horror writer, director & actor.


September 16, 2016

Leaving the Suffering Business

Photo by Laura Makabresku
Today is a powerful day. We have a lunar eclipse and full moon in Pisces, which essentially means you will be feeling everything. Everything that isn't working right now and everything that hurt from the past. 2016 has been labeled the Year of Purification* and the full moon energies illuminate all that needs to be released. Sometimes, it hurts to let go.

A brilliant question came to me this week: when we are preoccupied with an outcome, when do we cultivate presence? My answer was, we don't. That's kind of the point. Stay busy so you don't have to feel. And yet, moments begin to pass without significance, clutter begins to accumulate and it's difficult to decipher was is true, what is necessary, what is essential.

There's always something waiting for us when we stop and allow ourselves to breathe. Louis C. K. shares brilliantly on the sadness that visits us when we're alone. We avoid these moments and lose the power and the gifts of them.

My experience has taught me that everything, even grief, is temporary. What has prolonged my pain is the avoidance of it, the refusal to acknowledge it. When we are physically wounded, the injury needs to be tended to or else the whole body is at risk. Our spirits are the same. I used to wear my wounds like badges of honour. Nothing hurts me, nothing touches me. I don't feel a thing. As a result, I suffered tremendously. It gets to be exhausting, trudging along, carrying dead weight and bleeding out.
“Out of the wound emerges the teacher, your wisdom, your wholeness." - Pat lillies
I know the transformative power of pain. Today, I am no longer in the suffering business. Today I am leaving for a writer's retreat in a commitment to share my story, as I feel called to do. No distractions. No running. No resistance. It's time for purification and to see the past in a larger context, one that includes hope and resilience. I invite you to allow yourself a moment to experience the same.

Take care of yourself this weekend. Be gentle. Be around the ones who love you. And remember, this too shall pass.


3:33 from The Synchronicity Series

Making Modern Toughness | David Brooks

*By Brother Kaypacha. Find him on YouTube.
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